SOFTEC2012 – The Art of Conflict and Collaboration

The first tutorial I attended at SOFTEC2012 is “The Art of Conflict and Collaboration” by Mette Bruhn-Pedersen and Brian Robinson. The tutorial was really interesting and so beneficial to me.

The main lesson I learned from the tutorial was the Drama Triangle. This triangle helps to learn your own and other other party’s behavior during a conflict.

As seen in the below image, the three vertices of the triangle are: Persecutor, Rescuer and Victim.

1) Persecutor:

The main concept behind the persecutor is “I get to feel safe by dominating others”. Persecutor body language is aggressive, stiff with pointing fingers and raised voice. The inner dialog includes “It is your fault” and “If you do not do as I want, you will feel the consequences”. The motivation for the persecutor is fear. The fear of becoming victim and becoming powerless. He/She overcomes this fear by attacking.

2) Rescuer:

The main concept behind the rescuer is “I get to feel safe by enabling others”. Rescuer body language is short, flighty movements. In addition, he/she likes to touch others in a motherly way. The inner dialog includes “You cannot do it, I will do it” and “I am better than you so I will do it”. The motivation for the rescuer is driven by fear. The fear of being labeled not good enough and becoming a victim. He/She overcomes this by finding victims to rescue and even creating victims by persuading them they are powerless.

3) Victim

The main concept behind the victim is “I get to feel safe by being submissive”. Victim body language is submissive with hanging head and shoulders. The inner dialog includes “I cannot do this”, “It all goes wrong for me”, “It is alright for them they are good at this” and “I cannot do any thing about it”. The motivation for the victim is driven by fear. The fear of not being strong enough to stand up for self. He/She overcomes this by finding persecutors that confirm they are victims and rescuers to rescue them from the persecutors.

In addition and as the arrows in the above triangle image show, people can move between the three different roles during the dialog.

One thing to mention about this tutorial is that included scenarios so that attendees can practice on. It was a great opportunity.

Finally, my appreciation and thanks to Mette Bruhn-Pedersen and Brian Robinson for this wonderful tutorial.

All the best..

 

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